So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
