How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
