did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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