This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
