I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My ass is underappreciated
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
