I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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