Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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