I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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