so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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