WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
