I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
