At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
