Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
