You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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