The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
