Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
