Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
