Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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