You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
