I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
