mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some magic done to my vagina
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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