two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
