How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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