R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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