I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
