Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
