i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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