is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
