so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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