True but thats because hes a fetus.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
