Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
