jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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