glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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