we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
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it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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