you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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