So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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