I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Randomize
