please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
