This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
