Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
