I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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