I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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