My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize