That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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