literally had 100 drinks last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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