I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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