Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
