absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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