Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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