I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
