sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
