we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
