let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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