meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
