Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
