My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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