just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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