Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I had to cum in my sink.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize