Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
