You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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