it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
