You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
